I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
