Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
