and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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