When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
