I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
