She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
