I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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