That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just cropdusted the office
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
