we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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