Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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