so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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