it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
