I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
