After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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