hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
