Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
