Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
