a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
