So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
