I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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