:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
