I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
