Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
