I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
