We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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