He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
