hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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