can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
