After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drake has all the answers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
