Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
