Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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