My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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