I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
