im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I cut my penus on the lid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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