I look better un-naked...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
