dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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