Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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