I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
