What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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