Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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