The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
