ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
