I am puke
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
