Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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