Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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