we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need moral support for this bender
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
