One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
