You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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