Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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