Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
