Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
