I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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