drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
