i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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