According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
