our cab driver is having phone sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I party with great urgency now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
