Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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