I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
