I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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