My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
