you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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