i may or may not be watching the land before time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
