I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize