...so i touched it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is the high leading the old right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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