mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
