its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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