I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
