I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
