I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
3pm strippers are depressing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize