i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
