Just fell off a train. Bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
